Welcome to Day #1 of the 31 Days To Become a Better Solo-Dad series. 
In this series if posts, we’re going to examine 31 ways you can work toward becoming the Solo-Dad you want to be in your kids’ lives.
This is not a 31 day crash course and I don’t expect you to work on each of these areas of your parenting on subsequent days. Rather, it’s an invitation to examine those areas of your solo-parenting that might be in need of enrichment or attention.
So, with that in mind, let’s get started with the first post in the series.
Pay Your Child Support On Time
Yes, I know. This is a sensitive subject and it’s one that I’ve lived through from both sides. I’ve been a solo-dad ordered to pay child support as well as a solo-dad who isn’t receiving any support from my child’s mother. 
It’s tough on both sides of the issue. Let’s see if we can make it less emotional and more practical.
And while most US family courts will order that child support payments are deducted from the parent’s paycheck, some situations still depend on manual payment of support directly from father to mother or vice-versa.
The Sole Reason for Child Support: Provision for the child’s needs.
Obviously, the main reason family courts order child support payments if to help provide for your child.
No Solo-Dad I’ve ever met wants their children to have less, go hungry, or live in a household where hand-me-downs are the rule.
Dads want all these things and more, for their kids. Some dads will say, “Let me take Junior to Target or Walmart and I’ll buy him the clothes or other items he needs.” While this is a laudable goal, I’ve rarely seen it work as a regular feature of visitation.
I may get some heated comments about this but, Solo-Dads aren’t, as a rule, as in touch with the ins-and-outs of childhood fashion and decision making it requires to stay on top of the daily clothing needs of a small child or a teen.
In most situations where the kids only visit their dad, mom is better suited for this. As the custodial parent, she’s the ones doing the laundry and see the wear and tear on the child’s wardrobe.
Why Your Payments Should Be Made On Time
Making ends meet is tough any way you slice it. In current economic times, it’s even tougher. Kids in solo-parent households are twice as likely to do without daily necessities as kids in two-parent families.
Making your child support payments on time enables you to do your part to ensure your child is able to enjoy the necessities of life. Unless your Ex is addicted to drugs or just a very poor money manager, your children will most likely be better off when your child support payments are made on time because they will have enough food, water, and power to live a normal existence.
There were times when I didn’t make timely child support payments. I recall one time in particular when I learned that my kids didn’t have enough food. It broke my heart to know that I could have prevented that. It taught me a valuable lesson and I never again viewed child support payments as a necesary evil.
This brings me to another point and that is how a lot of Solo-Dad view their child support payments. There is a common misconception about child support that needs to be mentioned.
The Punitive Stigma of Child Support Perhaps perpetuated by both sides, child support has often been perceived as a punitive measure, a disciplinary sentence of sorts. This sets up both parents for battle and often the children lose.
Too often, Solo-Moms who feel that their Ex is responsible for the end of the marriage use child support and spousal-support as tools to taunt and hurt. Again, I’ve seen this first-hand and it’s nothing but counterproductive.
Gender roles and conditioning play a part here. When child support and spousal support are used in this way, a dad often feels emasculated. And counter to the original intent, it doesn’t nothing to make him more likely to make payments on time. If anything, it results in hurt feelings and a reaction that, while inexcusable, too often includes further delays in payment of support.
Dads Need to Set the Example
Taking the easy way out and not doing what we know is right weakens the example our kids need from us.
“I don’t like the way she spends the support.” This is another common cry among Solo-Dads when it comes to making child support payments. Guys, this totally misses the point.
The act of paying the support an the expression of love for your child.
Plain and simple, we pay it because we love our child and we want to make sure we’re doing everything in our power to provide the necessities for them. This is one excuse that child support paying Solo-Dads need to get over.
How to Make Your Child Support Count
Perhaps a better way is to work with your Ex to make child support work for both of you. This may not be possible now, but in the future perhaps you and your Ex can work together to make your child aware of how you help support them financially.
To my first Ex’s credit, after she remarried, she put the child-support money into college funds. This was a choice she and her husband made together. They informed me and the kids about it and the kids knew that the money I paid in support was still making a difference.
If Solo-Moms and Dads could work together for the good of their kids, a lot of the relationship strain that exists between Ex’s could be reduced. I know this isn’t possible in a lot of cases, but as a Solo-Dad, keep it in mind.
Application for Day #1
Consider asking for help. Marriage, divorce, and single parenting are stages in life that don’t come with an owner’s manual. Instead of flying by the seat of your pants and learning the hard way, why not come together and ask a qualified third-party professional for assistance?
Many counties employ divorce mediators to address custody and visitation issues. If you have this service available, consider them as a resource for establishing an understanding between you and your Ex about how to address the issue of child support. Both parties will gain a better understanding the responsibilities and issues the other faces.
When both of you can agree on the principle for and the mechanisms behind timely child support payments, everybody wins. It doesn’t make coming up with the extra money any easier but it does decrease the amount of emotion, frustration, and stress around the situation.
Paying your child support on time is a win-win situation.
Ultimately, your child is the biggest winner. And isn’t that what you really want?
In Day #2 of the 31 Days to Become a Better Solo-Dad series, we’ll take a look at Making Time With Your Child a Priority.
Care to Comment? Does this post anger you as a Solo-Dad? Does it resonate with truth? Solo-Moms – I know you’re reading too and that’s cool – am I off base? All comments are welcome.
This is a great idea! Will be a great resource.
Hardest part for child support is the lack of accountability. No way of knowing how the money is spent and when you see an ex going on vacation with her new boyfriend,(as a friend of mine shared) the anger build because you feel you paid for it.
Bottom line, doesn’t matter. The system is the way the system is. Solo Dad is 100% correct. Pay your support, Pay it on time. Just do it!
You’re right about the ‘where does my money really go?’ factor. Still, when we look at the larger picture, when our kids are 18, 25, and older they will understand that those many years we did the right thing and we did it for them. That wins in my book.
My first time here. I absolutely love this series. Great advice!
Talibah – Welcome to Solo-Dad – I’m glad you stopped by.
Over the next two months all 31 posts in the 31DBBSD series will be published. Stay tuned!
I am a little confused. I am new to all this and may not understand, but I thought this was for dads raising kids by themselvess. Why would I be paying child support?
The change in mindset and way that we view our support payments is a great point. Too many single dads get hung up on giving our former significant others money and fail to realize that we only end up hurting our kids. Since child care payments must he made, our understanding of who it really benefits and our outlook and approach to making payments being positive is crucial.
This is a major topic of concern and you have done a fantastic job of breaking it down and keeping it simple and effective.
Great post.