You may not even know that you’re doing it. It may one of the most natural expressions of love for your child. But it’s harming them.
Welcome to Day 3 of the 31 Days To Become A Better Solo-Dad! Today’s post addresses an all too common pitfall made by single dads who may not get to spend a lot of time with their kids. It’s often referred to as the Disneyland Dad Syndrome and it can end up harming your relationship with your kids.
Definition
Disneyland Dad: Single dads who, perhaps because of the limited time spent with the kids, buy extravagant gifts, eat out every meal, take them on expensive trips, give into their every whim, forget about discipline, and generally treat them like visiting royalty instead of children.
It’s the weekend and you’re naturally excited because you get the pick up the kids. Maybe you’ll go the movies and see the latest Pixar or Disney film; Maybe you’ll take them to the county fair – that’s always fun.
By the time the weekend concludes, both kids may be weighed down in souvenirs and trinkets, but they’re simply evidence of the great time you had together.
What’s wrong with that?
Plenty.
It’s called the Disneyland Dad Syndrome and nearly all single dads and moms (those without physical custody slip into it at first. Some never get over it.
It begins innocently with a few gifts purchased for the kids just because you love them. Then the next weekend it’s a trip to the beach. That’s followed by a lavish birthday gift that you hope will remind them of you when you’re not around.
On the surface, this natural expression of giving to your child may seem harmless, but it place your relationship with your child at risk in several ways.
Disneyland Dad Syndrome’s Harmful Effects
- It creates the illusion that your relationship is based on ‘things.’ Kids will come to expect this same level of gifting and entertainment from the absent parent. When it stops, they might even think you’ve stopped loving them. That’s not a risk many solo-dads would be willing to take.
- It’s an unsustainable situation. Sooner or later you’ll run of both money and ideas. It will exhaust you and you’ll end up feeling like you’ve failed your kids…again.
- Your children will ultimately mimic your behavior. You know how kids mimic everything they see? They’re like sponges that soak up everything they come into contact with. You don’t want your child growing to believe that all relationships are based on this approach. Only by demonstrating an emotionally healthy parenting style will you encourage your child’s future parenting.
Helpful Reading
The links below contain articles that address solutions such as:
- Planning ahead for weekend activities and even some downtime.
- Aiming for consistency in your time together.
- Treating your kids like they live there (in your home) and not like their visiting.
- And my favorite, just be normal.
In the next post, we’ll look at how Planning Meals in Advance can simplify the daily dinner duties and save you money at the same time. Make sure you’re subscribed to this series (and all Solo-Dad updates) by subscribing to our RSS feed or via email.
