Today’s post in the 31 Days to Become A Better Solo-Dad series is about dating. Specifically, it’s about keeping your dating life separate from your parenting life.
Children Come First
I don’t think I’ll get any disagreement there. Our kids are the most important element in our lives. The second anything begins to compete with the time you spend with your kids, is the time to take a serious assessment of your commitments.
How Custody Effects Your Dating Life
Dad with visitation rights, have it a lot easier in one regard; you can date a woman on any night you don’t have your kids.
For me -I’m a dad with full custody of my son- and for dads who share parenting time with Ex, dating becomes a bit more of a scheduling challenge (read: nightmare). We often have to balance dating with homework loads, early bedtimes, and dinner duties not to mention the schedule and commitments of the woman in question.
It’s not impossible, but it is significantly more challenging.
Benefits to Support the Separation of Child and Date
Regardless of the legal arrangements that dictate your parenting schedule, your dating life and your parenting life should be kept separate until everyone is ready to take the next step.
Depending on your situation, your kids may be nowhere near ready to share you with anyone else.
Kids younger than 10 years of age take a longer time to adjust to living with two parents in separate households.
The introduction of someone new in your life only threatens the already shaky confidence young kids have post-divorce or separation. Taking your time introducing her to your kids holds benefits for you, your child, and the woman in question.
Benefits for Your Child
- They have time to accept the idea of you dating before meeting someone new
- They feel less threatened and more a part of your life
- They feel less confused about the role of your new friend
Benefits for You
- You can date more women while protecting the parent-child relationship
- You can keep your child the center of your attentions
- You can focus on developing a relationship without endangering your relationship with your child
Benefits for Your Date
- She can take advantage of not being judged too soon
- She can decide whether or not to invest in the relationship
Conclusion
Single dads need occasional romantic partners that develop into healthy relationships. This aids in their own development as a man and as a life partner. Relationships have the potential for effecting the existing family structure that exists in the single dad’s home.
Keeping your dating life separate from your parenting can benefit all parties involved. Bringing her home to meet your kids too soon will only lead to confusion, bruised emotions, and hurt feelings.
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Stay tuned for the next post in the 31DBBSD series when I tackle the topic of Watching your Language Around the Kids. Make sure you’re subscribed to this series (and all Solo-Dad updates) by subscribing to our RSS feed or via email.
