A Rehearsal In the Mountains

The Night Before the Big Day

Last evening, LE and I attended the wedding rehearsal for my son, Ben and his fiancee, Crystal. Set on the sprawling mountaintop campus of the Mountain Winery (formerly, the Paul Masson Winery in Saratoga, California) overlooking the Santa Clara Valley, it is a truly beautiful setting.

Wineries – The New Cool

Both of my married children, Ben and Bethany, chose wineries for their weddings and I can heartily recommend it. The grounds are manicured and the vistas unique.  With so many wineries set in various Northern California locations, finding one that suits your space requirements and your budget is quite an undertaking, but the results are worth it.

Bring on the Food

After the rehearsal, about 50 of us gathered at a family style Italian restaurant in Campbell for a gargantuan meal.  Lasagna, spaghetti and baseball-sized meatballs, chicken parmigiana, salad, libations of every sort and absolutely huge pieces of Italian cheesecake to top things off.

Solo-Dad’s Toast to the Bride & Groom

As father of the groom, I had the honor of speaking for a few minutes before we all raised our glasses in a toast to the new life that Ben and Crystal will begin Saturday.  I cried when I wrote these words, cried when I practiced, and shed a few more when I shared it.

Below are my remarks:

Before toasting our happy couple, I want to take a few minutes and talk briefly about one of the most remarkable young men I’ve ever known: my son, Ben.  But before I do that, I need to say a word about the family gathered here tonight.

In order to frame what I want to say, I want to tell you a brief aside. I’m a pushover when it comes to romantic comedy films: My Netflix queue always has a movie like Serendipity, Sleepless in Seattle, or You’ve Got Mail in each shipment.  I think I love these films because I want to believe that there’s a happy ending in life for all of us.  I want to believe that there is someone for each of us who will love us in spite of our faults and greet us at the end of the day with a hug and a kiss while they whisper in our ear, “I love you.”

In the film You’ve Got Mail, a 40-something Tom Hanks visits a bookshop owned by Meg Ryan.  He’s accompanied by two small children; his grandfather’s daughter who is about 8 (that makes him her 40 year-old nephew) as well as his younger brother who is 6. When explaining the chronological role reversal, he says this:

“It’s true: Annabelle is my aunt and Matt is my brother. We are…an American Family.”  I really like that term – for where else but America could you find such a complex arrangement of relationships and call it a family?

Tonight Ben and Crystal are surrounded by their American Family. All of us that can claim, in one way or another, to be a part of Ben’s or Crystal’s family are now part of their ‘American Family.’

As I look around,  I see many familiar faces here because of one reason: Your love for Ben and your love for Crystal.

Bambi- we share two incredible children together. Thank you for them. I also want to thank you for the affection you have for both Jeremy and Justin and for going beyond the norm in making them feel welcome at all family gatherings.

Mike – thanks for being there over the years in ways that I couldn’t.  Thanks for being the kind of role model that a young man can emulate. Thanks for helping Bambi and I raise Ben and Bethany and for providing for them in all the ways that many here aren’t aware of.

My parents -Bob and Jenny, Doug and Nettie, Mike Sr., Pat, and Bruce…I thank all of you for helping make this day as special as it is. Thanks for being the Grandparents that both Ben and Bethany needed. Rose, Simon, Escarenos-at-large…I thank you as well for doing all that you have over the years to bring Crystal to this moment in time when she and Ben will begin their life as one.

We have this American Family composed of diverse ethnicities and blended complexities that coalesce into a human web of wonderfulness. And we’re here tonight to join together in wishing for Ben and Crystal many happy endings in their new life together.

In many ways, Ben and Crystal, all of your family members have played a unique role in making this night possible.

Ben…you came into this world screaming. And apparently you said all you had to say in those first few months of life.

I remember your arrival vividly for two reasons:

1. I delivered you along with a nurse because while you were emerging in San Jose, our obstetrician was delivering a baby in Los Gatos.

2. The tears of joy I cried when you were born fell not only on to your mother’s face but on yours as well.

As your Dad, tears of joy have become a common occurrence for me over the years.

• I’ve watched you dig in the dirt with a spoon and dig baseballs out of the dirt with a first baseman’s mitt.
• I’ve watched you grow in your faith as well as in your stature and become a larger-than-life role model for both Nicholas and Justin.
• I’ve watched you love your siblings with the same compassion and tenderness that you naturally display when holding newborn cousins.
• I’ve watched you enter the work-world and the academic arena and excel within both.
• I’ve watched you act with great courage in defending those unjustly treated; I’ve also watched you do something that required more courage than I could ever muster: you decided to date a girl with four brothers.  That takes real courage.

And yet, out of that period of evaluation and observation, that naturally accompanies dating a girl with four brothers, they adopted you as their brother. I’ve seen the way they embrace you and that makes me both proud to be your dad as well as proud to be Crystal’s father-in-law.

Crystal…I hope you’ll love my son forever; that you’ll never treat him in a way that demeans him; that you’ll always seek to understand him and if you can’t….call me or Mike or Bambi and we’ll help you figure it out.

Ben, I hope that you will love and cherish Crystal forever.  That you will treat her with the utmost respect at all times and hold her close in times of joy and disappointment.  I know that you’ll be the husband that she needs and wants to come home to every day.

Finally Ben, I want to say that I love you and, in so many ways, you are the man that I one day hope to become.

And now if you will all raise a glass and join me in toasting the new life that Ben and Crystal will soon begin to share; a life that we all hope with be filled with love, devotion, and many happy endings.

Ben, Crystal…Salute’.