I’ve been single for 7 years now.
Over the course of those years I’ve always said I would never consider getting married again.
And while this is NOT a reversal of that position, I believe I’m softening on the issue.I am near the point where I can view marriage as something positive. That hasn’t been part of my relationship-consciousness for nearly 15 years.
Because of my experiences with domestic violence – having been the victim of violent crime at the hands of a loved one – I have been somewhat jaded on the issue of marriage.
I’ve not been quiet on the issue either.
The Folly of Judgment
For years, I couldn’t see myself ever making another walk down the proverbial aisle. And for the reasons that were so closely related to my experiences with DV, there were valid reasons not to pursue dating.
Men make mistakes. Well, I guess women do as well. But we men are famous for them. We men are often lumped into a category and labeled as cheaters, liars, or emotionally unavailable.
But we are who we are. I am who I am. I am an honest, hard-working guy who has made mistakes just like every other person in the world. Why should I be judged by those who have never trod my path, receive the blows that injured me, or suffered through the dark nights that followed?
The Evolution of the Heart
I can see through the passage of time that some men are perhaps meant to live a solitary life without constant companionship. For 7 years -though I lived with one woman in the middle of those – I’ve not been in this camp. I’ve wanted the companionship of a woman who loved me and my son. I settled for less in the example above and the results were immediately evident.
Conversely, there are those men who need the companionship of another; Men who are adrift at sea without the certainty that an anchor provides. I am not in this camp either. An anchor can either weigh you down or provide stability and comfort depending on your perspective.
I still have no plans to get married. But I can say that I am beginning to miss the companionship of a loving relationship; one that is built on the solid foundation of mutual love and respect.
You might say that my heart is evolving. Everything evolves. To deny it is idiotic.
The Future Outlook
My solitary, ever-present goal remains to prepare LE for a successful launch into adulthood and then, perhaps, I can be available for the woman I dream of. Until then, I check homework, do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the house, go to work, and try to sleep.
Will there come a day when I can walk into my home and be greeted by a kiss of love, an embrace of the heart, and look that says ‘I’m for you and you’re for me?’
I hope so. 
