Rant: Frustration with the Ex

And here’s the thing that reeeeeaaaallllyy pisses me off – I still let this get to me!

OK…cleansing breath…..in through the nose…out through the mouth….OK. There.

But this just needs to be aired so I feel better and my blood pressure stay within the legal limit.

Full-time Solo-Dad

I have full-physical custody of Little Elvis. The day my Ex decided to experiment with mind altering pharmaceuticals (I’m being kind here) and then bring that crap into our home when LE was about 4, was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

• Never mind that I’d been a battered-spouse for years quietly living in shame and in a constant state of hypervigilance.
• Never mind that her behavior had resulted in a job ending because in her euphoric state whe determined that I was having an affair and called up my boss (a woman) to complain.
• Never mind that I was laid off two weeks later.
• Never mind that the woman with which I was supposed to be having an affair was a professional colleague and happily married.
• Never mind that I was working my butt off only to find out my pay was going for drugs.

Six Years Later

It’s been nearly six years since I took my son and left under the protection of the police and the legal system; five years since she successfully completed rehab; but fifteen since I’ve been anything close to who I used to be.

Though LE and I went through 18 months of joint counseling to help put our lives back together, I sometimes feel like I’m right back in that hellish nightmare.

Even after six years, I still have difficulty being in the same room with her longer than 15 minutes.  Even now, when she calls my cell phone seven times consecutively and leaves seven messages stating she’ll do everything in her power to take him away from me if I don’t do such-and-such, even though I know she’s bluffing, the power of the threat still unnerves me.

This has been my life for the past 16 years. The only thing that changes is the length of time between cycles of her odd behavior. For weeks I’ll be “the best father our son could have,” only to become “a pathetic man that puts work ahead of your son” in a flash.

In the six years since LE and I started life over, I’ve not received a dime of financial support from her. This week I asked for help in paying half of the out-of-pocket dental bills for him. She reacted as if I was asking her to solve the global economic crisis.

LE sees her every-other weekend (custody order says first and third, but it works better this way) and a mid-week sleepover every Wednesday. When he stays over on Wednesday nights, I always call the school Thursday morning (even now in Junior High) to see if he’s shown up. Most of the time, he hasn’t.

So….the point of this rant/post?

I guess it’s just to blow off steam.  I sat on this post for two weeks hoping I’d see the cycle was ending and delete it.  But no chance.  Either I’m not getting better at getting over it or she still knows which buttons to push to bug the friggin’ crap out of me.

A Silent Sufferer

LE loves his mother intensely. He sees her flaws and, quite normally, overlooks them and simply loves her anyway. He’s a wonderful boy in that respect.  I’ve always been honest with him about his mother and why he and I began a solo-family life.

Although he cannot -and will not talk to me- about the events that lead to our solo-family status, he does talk about with his therapist. Feedback from the therapist is that he is willing to discuss how he feels about that and other personal issues.  For that, I’m greatful.

I do wonder about his future relationhip choices and how they will be affected by the role his mother plays in his life. Not that I’m the perfect parent, but at least my ranting is limited to a virtual space that doesn’t reach his ears.