Solo-Dad’s 4th Wedding

No, not one of my own, thank Goodness. I’ve been through two of them and that’s enough for one lifetime!

Wedding #3 was for my daughter Bethany in July.  Rather pleasantly, the 4th Solo-Dad wedding will be for my son, Benjamin.

Memories

When Benjamin was born, way back in 1988, I had the pleasure of helping deliver him because the physician was busy delivering another baby across town.

That early morning, an RN and a medical student nervously ushered Benjamin Barry Morris into the world. That experience, and many others throughout his life, have brought me immense joy.

Another vivid memory: he and his sister running down the aisle and hugging me at the Scottish Rites Auditorium when as I received my medical degree in San Francisco in the early 90s.  He was all but 4 years old and cute as a button.

Ben is the serious, introverted photocopy of his father. Luckily for Crystal, he has many positive qualities that make him a better man than me.  I’ve always been proud to be his dad.

As he moves into the rest of his life in partnership with Crystal, I also remember the little boy who wore his cowboy boots to bed, who -in the days after the separation and divorce- took my picture with him under his blankets at night, and the young man who has never failed to honor me as his father.

In the picture above, taken at his high school graduation in 2006, his girlfriend Crystal can be seen snuggling into his embrace. (When the official engagement picture is available, I’ll post it.)

Not long ago, I received a text message from Crystal:

“Benjamin and I are engaged!”

I can’t say that I was surprised, but I was taken a bit off-guard. I’d returned from a trip to Salt Lake City where I’d managed to pick up a case of viral pneumonia.  I was exhausted. Little Elvis was away with his mom; I was home alone on a Friday evening and felt feverish and chilled.

But the little text message ignited a warmth and excitement I desperately needed.

It’s interesting that she and Ben announced their engagement via text message, and it’s strangely fitting for these two young adults. In the age when Vice Presidential candidates are announced via text message to millions…hey, I guess anything goes.

When I phoned Crystal immediately afterward, she said they’d become engaged about 30 minutes earlier. I conveyed my love for her and the handsome dude she’s marrying and promised my support in any manner required.

Since then, Ben has asked Jeremy, my oldest son, to be his best man.  Little Elvis is also thrilled to be a groomsman in the ceremony tentatively planned for Spring or Summer 2009.

Tears

In Bethany’s wedding I cried…

“I tried to hold in my tears. Then I felt Bethany begin to shudder a bit and then to cry softly.  She’d told me earlier, with a half-serious smile, “No crying, Daddy. If you start crying, I’ll start crying and I’ll ruin my makeup.” To which I replied, “That’s a commitment I’m not sure I can make, Princess.”

…and have no doubt tears will fall again next year.

The tears are bittersweet: They have elements of regret for times gone by too quickly, when career and education took precedence over family.

They are tears of pride and hope; wishing the best for my child as he grows further away from me; They are tears of worry for them both in times of economic challenge and uncertainty.

Even in making this choice, at this time, he honors me with his maturity, his devotion to his faith and his family, his ability to make wise choices in difficult times and his ever present, steadfast love.

Ben,

I love you. I wish you and Crystal every happiness in your new life together along with the courage and strength to see you through rougher times.

I am so very proud of you. May I one day be like you.

–Dad