Apparently, It Skips a Generation
I’ve always found it interesting that all three of us… my sister, brother, and myself -having been raised by parents who are still married after 56 years together- have all been married multiple times.
My brother and I have waltzed down the matrimonial aisle twice while my sister has limited her aisle waltzing to just once. My brother is remarried for over 20 years while my sister and I both remain single.
My first marriage lasted 7 years and produced two children. Bethany Sara and Benjamin Barry (to my left in the picture). The second lasted 15 years and resulted in my step-son, Jeremy (far left) and my youngest, ‘Little Elvis’ [LE](to my right).
Becoming a Solo-Dad
In 2003, after ignoring many warning signs, more nights than I can count spent in a state of hyper-vigilance common to those who endure domestic violence and the unpredictable behavior common in such situations, I left my spouse and took my then 6 year-old son with me.
With nowhere to go, LE and I camped at my parent’s home for nearly two years while I worked through restraining orders, custody orders, and court appearances. I’d lost my job as a technical writer for an architectural and engineering firm because of my spouse’s aberrant behavior and was still unemployed when we separated.
PTSD- Not just for soldiers
To remain near LE -for whom the break up was traumatic- I took a part-time job working as a yard-duty aide on the campus of my son’s elementary school. I’d walk to the campus each day, supervise the lunch line and playground and then walk home.
It was good for LE to see me at his new school and during this time both he and I were in therapy provided by the Victim Witness Program of Santa Clara County. (This organization is composed of true heroes and I owe everything to them.) We’d come out of a situation where LE’s mom had made some choices that resulted in us leaving when we no longer felt safe.
I was diagnosed with a form of post-traumatic stress disorder common among survivors of domestic violence and worked to overcome depression and it associated hurdles: altered sleep, low self-esteem, reclusive behavior, and others.
It was a tumultuous time for us, but it cemented an already close relationship between LE and me. His daily presence was the rock upon which I rested and built the rest of our future. To this day, we remain a close father and son. When he sees his mother I miss him so much so that I find myself looking for something to do to fill the void.
I was awarded full-physical custody of LE nearly 6 years ago. Over the years, I’ve made choices that weren’t the best but have, for the most part, made progress correcting errors along the way and today we are healthy and happy living on our own in a small home we refer to as ‘The Beach Bungalow.’
We live a block from the Pacific Ocean in Rio Del Mar, California (about 80 miles south of San Francisco).
I created Solo-Dad.com because it became apparent that being a single dad with full-time custody has increased my life experiences beyond measure. I’m probably the happiest now than I have ever been.
That happiness comes from knowing myself, knowing my limitations, and knowing that even the gloomiest of circumstances are temporary. I’ve learned to be resilient in have every confidence that life does contain opportunity beyond measure in every situation.
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P.S. ‘Baz’ is a nickname I picked up in England over 30 years ago. It’s how my British, Australian, Indian, and New Zealander friends refer to me. Feel free to do the same.
