Born November 5, 2009   Fairbanks, Alaska   11:02 a.m. AST

“Practically Perfect In Every Way…”

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It was midnight on November 5 when Bethany called me to tell me her water had broken and she and David (and her mom who’d flown up a few days before) were on their way to the hospital.

Needless to say, any hope of sleeping the rest of the night was wasted.   My mind returned over and over to days of yester-year when this beautiful girl was dancing her way into my heart.

And now the time had come when my own little girl, my first-born, was going to give birth to her own.

It’s a surreal moment when life unfolds through your children. Somehow I felt as if a portion of my being was being reborn in this little bundle of sweetness. And it was all happening thousands of miles away and yet within my own heart.

When I woke LE the next morning I told him that the day when he’d become an uncle for the first time had arrived.  And though I needed to go to work and he to school, I’d text him when I knew something.

I was at a Japanese restaurant when Bethany called me, just an hour after Jessica arrived. I broke away from the loud chatter in the background and went outside to take the call.

“Hi Daddy! You’re a GrandDad!”

Five little words reduced me to mush. I crumbled into a blubbering mass right outside the restaurant. The emotions were overpowering and under the magnitude of their significance, I felt an immense sense of joy and pride.

Incredible pride for my daughter who so heroically brought her baby into the world. Joy in the knowledge that Jessica was here among us and enveloped in so much love.

I’ve witnessed all three births of my biological children (even delivered my son Benjamin) and I am convinced there is no more heroic act than that of a woman enduring the selfless act of childbirth. Nothing I have ever done nor could ever do could compare.

I learned she was 6 pounds, 8 ounces and 19 inches in length with curly blonde hair.

Then I heard her cry. Bethany was holding her and it was evident she was hungry!  And I crumbled yet again. My tears flowed like a river and my heart was like a geyser showering her in love.  In an instant, my whole identity, my entire life had changed.

My life changed forever when Bethany Sara was born. How fitting that she should give me this precious gift of a granddaughter and forever change my life again.

At the conclusion of each weekend she’d spend with me when she was young; At the conclusion of each telephone conversation over the years.  But only a few of them have been as emotionally charged as the one about a week ago.

Leaving the Lower 48

When she and her new husband, the 2nd Lt, were told they’d be stationed here in California, I was ecstatic.  She’d be a few hours away and my granddaughter would be born close by.

She and David had already made a trip down the Central Coast of California to scout out hospitals and homes.

So when Uncle Sam redirected them to another duty station I can’t say I was surprised, but very disappointed.

“We’ve been told that we’re no longer going to Vandenburg, Daddy.  Instead, we’re going to Alaska. We have to be there in 2 weeks.”

“What?” My calm demeanor went right our the window. How could they do this?  Why did this happen?  Who the hell decided this?

My questions were silly: First reactions to what I’d known might happen.  It’s the military, after all.  There isn’t much choice when it comes to your first assignment as an officer in the Air Force.

She’d had a few days to come to grips with the situation and while it wasn’t her desire to live in Alaska, she was committed to being where she needed to be. With David. Wherever that might be.

A Dad and His Daughter

The next week was a roller coaster of emotions for me.  LE could see it was bothering me.  And his man-child way, he supported me with hugs an extra portion of just-being-thirteen.

That I love my daughter is a no-brainer.  That I will miss her so deeply it hurts is a given.  That I didn’t want to or know how to say goodbye this time was perplexing.

So many questions rolled over in my mind…

• How do I face this?
• Am I being a big baby?
• Should I let my emotion show or be stoic in light of my Princess moving so far away?

I emailed Dr. Leah and asked here how to proceed.  Leah Klungness is a psychologist, author, and single mom who jointly writes the SingleMommyhood.com blog as well as Just Ask Dr. Leah. I’ve cried on her virtual shoulder before and she’s always had some great feedback and advice.

And of course, her words were spot on.

Here’s my advice -  Of course, show your feelings at the BBQ. Your tears will not diminish your daughter’s confidence, confuse her, or worry her. Much as the “good-bye” will be emotionally wrenching, these genuine feelings tell your daughter how much you love her. Your daughter already knows she can manage things–you’ve given her all the right tools.  Of course, you’ve told her how thrilled you are that her life is unfolding in such a joyous way. When someone lights your heart, it’s rather disingenuous if “good-bye” is a few jaunty words and a quick hug.

Here’s something I hope you do. Give your daughter a letter in which you say the things that won’t come out at the BBQ exactly as you wanted to say them. No one has ever cherished an e-mail. Give her something to read (and re-read) and to share with her own daughter in the years to come.

The Farwell

Bethany’s mom and step-dad hosted an afternoon Farewell Gathering to give friends and family an opportunity to wish them well and say their parting words.

I’d been telling her all week how much I loved her and when it came time to leave, knowing that I’d not see her again for a few months, she was the strong one.

I’ve never been shy about showing my emotions in front of my kids. How else would they know how to deal with their own when they become parents?

Still, saying goodbye wasn’t easy and when I heard her say ‘I love you, Daddy’ for what was probably the millionth time in 25 years, she was once again the same little girl who always knew how to make me melt into a puddle of love.

The Journey North

I followed along on her Facebook posts as they drove with all their belongings in a U Haul truck to Eielson Air Force Base while towing a Jeep Wrangler that’s seen better days.

On the 7th day of their journey, they arrived at their destination.  Because they captured a lot of the landscape via photos, those left behind could share in their new discoveries along the way.

Knowing she’s getting settled into a new home; Knowing that Dave loves her and will provide for her: Knowing she loves me still make it easier.

Be happy, Princess. Your daddy loves you, always.

I have four children and all are amazing individuals:

• Ben is 21, recently married Crystal and is a criminal justice major at the University of Phoenix.
• Jeremy is 23 and a mechanical engineering major at San Francisco State University
• LE is 13 and manages to put up with me on a daily basis.

Bethany Sara is my oldest and was married last July.  She’s 25, pregnant with her first baby, and married to 2nd Lt. David Anderson.

Always a Gentleman, Now An Officer

Last Sunday, LE and I had the priviledge of attending David’s commissioning as a 2nd Lieutenant in the US Air Force.

David is a gentleman in the truest sense of the word.  As I’ve become better acquainted with the man my daughter chose as her husband, my respect for him has grown accordingly.

His love for Bethany is evident in every word spoken and action taken.

For dads with daughters, there isn’t a better feeling than knowing their little girls are loved, cared for, respected, and cherished.

David holds both a BS in Aviation and recently received his MBA in Finance. Very soon he and Bethany will be moving further down the coast of California where he’ll become the Finance Officer at Vandenberg AFB near Lompoc.

Surprisingly Emotional

I wasn’t sure what to expect for a military commissioning ceremony. But I was surpriseb by how emotional it was.  Each of the four commissionees had a slideshow produced by the cadets in the ROTC detachment at San Jose State University where the ceremony was held.

Each slideshow, set to music, was a celebration of their life as it led to this moment in time.  Toward the end of David’s slides, there were several pictures of his and Bethany’s wedding. (I don’t have to tell you what kind of reaction it evoked in me.)

After having his bars pinned on my his mom, dad, and Bethany, he gave some brief remarks and further mentioned his love for Bethany and the excitement surrounding their pregnancy.

Here was an accomplished young man about to embark upon a career as on officer in the United States Air Force and his remarks werre centered on his love for family and his bride.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, he’s both an officer and a gentleman and if it meant anything at all, I’d happily salute him.

Here’s LE, Dave, and me after the ceremony.