In an effort to prove that ‘sitting around and moping while your kids are with the other parent’ isn’t the only alternative for solo-dads, I Twittered my day and then blogged about here it a few days later.

Here’s a snippet (read the full post here):

It reminded me of the Zen saying…

“Before enlightenment, carrying water, chopping wood.  After enlightenment, carry water, chopping wood.”

What Did I Do?

I made coffee, drank it from my favorite Beatles mug, read email, read blogs, wrote, did some light housework, washed dishes, made good headway in the assault on Mt. Laundry (received some laundry-related reassurance and encouragement from Pam),  watched The Bourne Ultimatum..again , cooked some tasty chicken breasts, steamed broccoli and fingerling potatoes (note to self, send Garlic Crusted Chicken recipe to Rebecca M), got a killer cheese-biscuit recipe on Twitter from Jen, received a dinner invitation to munch on some of those cheese-biscuits from Sue C (which I couldn’t make because…well…she lives in Maine), had an after dinner drink at a seaside pub at the beach, strolled along the ocean, witnessed an amazing sunset (is it totally obvious why I live here), and settled in to watch some TV with a cup of black pekoe tea and a splash of half-n-half…all the while Tweeting updates to those tracking my day while engaging in their own celebrations (or lack thereof in Canada and the UK).

While rereading that post today…

I was struck how different my life is today vs. a year ago.

• LE has really stepped into this teen years in a big way; he’s grown a foot, slimmed down dramatically in the process, and his voice is deeper every day.
• My personal life has also become more meaningful. I have more friends, I have a great dog that keeps me busy and active, and I have a beautiful new granddaughter!
• My job is more meaningful and challenging. A corporate reorganization left me with new bosses and less staff. But it’s forced me to stretch and carry more responsibility and it’s working out well.
• My sense of family is taking on a new meaning as well. As my parents age, I can see a time when I will be become the unofficial patriarch of the family. Following my dad’s example of unconditional love and acceptance is a goal I will gladly adopt.

This Year’s Celebration…

…Included my son, Ben and his lovely bride, Crystal, my parents, and LE.  We convened here at the beach bungalow for an ocean-side Thanksgiving.

After some appetizers (cheese plate, various crackers, chips and dip/salsa, Naan flatbread, and other goodies…we dined on my ham (I’m saving the turkey for Christmas), steamed green beans and butternut quash cubes, Crystal’s incredibly creamy mashed potatoes and her tasty stuffing (LE asked for the recipe), Ben’s dinner rolls (homemade), and my mom’s sweet potatoes.

We took a beach walk with Buddy leading the way. Afterward, we slice up the pies -fresh blueberry, pumpkin, and french apple a la mode- while Ben and LE dived into Marianne’s Chocolate ice cream. Coffee and Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider flowed as did the Petitte Syrah!

Later we telephoned Bethany and David in Alaska and collectively ‘on speaker’ wished them a Happy Thanksgiving and for while they were with us as well.

Today, my son Jeremy and his girlfriend Perrine are come to stay. It will be good to see them as well.

“Less Past, More Present.”

This brief zen-like koan, is my adopted mantra for 2009. In many ways, 2008 prepared me in many ways to face the future on my own terms.

Focused on the Present

As Little Elvis and I face the coming year, we’re focused on the present; not looking ahead nor behind. By doing so, I know this will be our best year ever!

I’ve always loved Wayne Dyer’s metaphor for staying focused on the present moment – all we really have when you think about it.

Dyer puts it this way:

Imagine a boat traveling upstream. The wake behind the boat represents the past.  The smooth water ahead is the future. What’s powering the boat?

Nothing more that the present moment’s energy.  Not the wake left behind, not the smooth water ahead, only the energy being generated in the present moment.

This teaches me a powerful lesson about parenting, about life, about everything. It teaches me that nothing in my past really has the power to control my future. Only the effort in the here-and-now can do that.

For me, this means:

• Memories that have haunted me in the past have no real power.
• My actions of this day alone will effect my future.
• I’m free to stop using the ‘wake’ behind me as a reason not to go forward.

How does this effect other Solo-Dads?

Maybe it means you can stop feeling guilty about past failures. May it will give you the self-permission necessary to focus on the present moment knowing that your future can only be determined by what you do today.  Maybe it means that you, too, will have your best year ever!

I sincerely hope so!

It stems from his early interest (dare I say, obsession) with Elvis Presley. 

Though my mother is to blame…I mean thank for his Elvis-mania, I’ve also played a role in encouraging his interest.

I did take him to Graceland in 2006 where we toured the house where Elvis lived, frequented the ubiquitous souvenir shops on Beale Street and, by chance, met Bernard Lansky -Elvis’s tailor- at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis.

Add to that finding him an white Elvis jumpsuit at a garage sale (that I had thrown in for free when I bought an butt-ugly lamp for $10) and you say that I’m just as much to bla…thank.

Each year since his interest in all things Elvis first became obvious, Elvis somehow enters into our holiday.

The King has arrived in the following forms:  Elvis calendars, Elvis pop-up books, Elvis key chains and Elvis key chains fobs, Elvis figurines, Elvis clocks, Elvis mugs, Elvis pencils and even Elvis underwear.

OK, not really.

I swear made the whole underwear thing up.

This year I almost got him a life-sized stand-up/cut-out of Elvis for his room, but since we were in the process of moving to a smaller home-and his room is well… smaller than his previous one… I decided against it.

But that didn’t stop the King o’ Rock-n-Roll from making an appearance.

LE decided to give my mother a three-disc set of Elvis CD’s. The first disc was a DVD containing performances from the ‘68 TV Special (think black leather suit and jet black hair) as well as some from the Aloha from Hawaii TV Special.  The two remaining disks were CD’s of classic and gospel recordings.

As LE is spending a few days with my parents this week over in San Jose, I’m sure the house is rocking with Elvis tunes even as I write this post.

But my Dad’s gift to LE was a real surprise.

You could describe my dad in many ways, but the one that comes to mind right now is a typical retired engineer with way too much time on his hands.

How else could you explain bidding on eBay (and winning) for a set of 2,000 Elvis Trading Cards?

Yes, 2,000 cards in mint-condish.  It will take weeks before he can look at all of them. (Hey, that’s better than weeks playing video games, right?) Thanks, Dad!

Christmas with Elvis has become the norm for sharing Christmas with Little Elvis.

As LE will tell you, Elvis (despite the negative habits and addictions of his later years) was a gentleman.  He was a humanitarian and often anonymously gave huge sums of money to needy causes.

In the DVD’s we have of interviews with his band mates and friends, the adjective most used to describe him is ‘generous.’

It not surprising that the adjective I would use to describe LE is ‘generous.’  Like his idol, LE would give anyone the shirt off his back if he thought they needed it.

Now that I think about it, Christmas with Elvis is just fine by me anytime.

Santa

If you can get past the misspelled header on the generically formatted site, Kidzine, it contains a great article for Solo-Dads as we approach the holidays.

(The post also contains some ‘creative spelling’, so be forewarned.)

Still, Advice for Single Dads at Christmas, written by Chris Barnardo of the blog DadCanDo, is worth a look. The post focuses on 10 practical tips for Solo-Dads around the holidays.

Here’s a summary of the suggestions:

Don’t make it all about the big day.  Share the day; if possible agree with your ex-partner to alternate holidays. Negotiate early. Make a Christmas stocking with your kids with their initial on it. Focus on what you know will make it a happy time for your children. If the kids are with you this Christmas, spend time with them.

Click here to read the rest of Chris’ suggestions.