Last Sunday was my 26th year celebrating Father’s Day as a dad, my 7th as a SoloDad and my first as a GrandDad.

For some in my acquaintance, days like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries are huge events with picnic and cookouts in parks or celebrated with friends and family at home. People come out of the woodwork it seems to make the day special.

It’s never been that way for me.  More often than not, my birthday is like any other.  Father’s Day brings phone calls and a card and perhaps a gift or two.  It’s a small affair no matter what.

And that’s OK.

After all, being a father isn’t about me. It’s about my children.

Gifts, parties, celebrations…I’ve always been uncomfortable being the center of attention anyway. I’m more content to be in the background doing what I do.

This blog is the most in the way of a ‘public persona’ I am capable of creating. And it’s largely anonymous anyway.

Very few people who read these posts would know me if we passed on the street. Some have commented that having a blog is so public but I’ve found it’s only public to people who know you as the author.

As I’ve thought about this post and how it may be perceived by those closest to me, I’ve paused to consider the outcome. But in doing so, I’ve shied away from this uncomfortable topic for a long time.

Left Behind

Seven years ago I made a decision that affected the lives of many people. LE and I were effected the most. And if you’ve read my story, you know the decision and it’s immediate effects on us both.

In many ways, when I made the decision to leave my spouse to  seek protection under the law as well as full-custody of LE, I also ripped apart the fragile sense of family he clung to.

For years, his older siblings were his buddies, his big brothers and sister, embodied his definition of family beyond his parents and grandparents.I still feel it

All that came to an end when I made the decision to leave his mother and opt for safety and sanity.

Guilt

I still feel it sometimes. Guilt over forcing him to recreate his life away from his now grown siblings. Guilt over the free-fall his mother continues to experience.

I’ve often been reminded, when thinking of guilt, of the bumper sticker I saw in Los Angeles years ago that read:

Smuck Fog

I’ve often thought about creating a similar sticker to represent the uselessness of guilt. But my creative brain has as yet to come up with a catchy alternative.

Back to Father’s Day

Anyway, this past Sunday was Father’s Day and I have a great time.  Bethany and David were here from Alaska accompanied my my granddaughter, Jessi.

Ben and Crystal were also here and so LE was in heaven.  I was pretty happy, too. A few pictures from their visit follow.

“LE’s really growing up, isn’t he?”

A former colleague and mastermind buddy emailed me a week or so ago. She’d seen this video and commented on LE’s vertical growth, his deepening voice, and his overall physical maturity.

“Yes,” I countered in a reply…”but into what?”

The Metamorphosis of Attitude

Along with the metamorphosis of physical attributes that accompanies the big ‘P,’ teens experience a new set of attitudes. Encouraged by raging hormone fluxes, these attitudes are often uncontrollable at first.

It’s as if they discover their innate sense of power and ability to express themselves. Of course, how they choose to express their emotions is as individual as each emotion.

But with three teens to my parenting credit, this last trip through Teen-land might be the most challenging of all.

When it Comes to Parenting Teens, Experience Means Nothing

• Forget that I have helped co-parent three teens in the past ten years.
• Forget that each are highly functioning young adults.
• Forget that I’ve earned more degrees than 92.1% .of all Americans.
• Forget that I’ve been through this minefield and lived to tell the tale.
• Forget that I decided seven years ago to take this child and leave a household brimming with domestic violence in order to give him the chance he needed to live without fear.

It means nothing. At least where my innate teen-parenting skills are concerned.

Here’s An Example

It was 8:20a on the Sunday morning after Thanksgiving when I received the call from LE. He ‘demanded’ to know where I was.

“Buddy woke me up,” he says with emphasis on the ‘woke.’  “Where are you, anyway?”

He sounded like my father about 35 years ago.

“I’m down here at Deluxe Foods getting some coffee. I’ll be home in a few minutes.”

“OK, but Buddy was really barking, you know.”

Oh, OK. Let me drop what I’m doing to come home and silence the dog so you can continue to sleep into the afternoon!

That wasn’t really my response, but it did raise its hand in my consciousness seeking permission to express itself.

Back To Reality & to School

Of course not all days are like this.  Since Christmas, and the advent of an X-Box 360, I’ve seen little of LE except at mealtimes. OK, I’m kidding. I seen when nature calls, too.

He’s been off from school for three weeks and returns on Tuesday to the world where everyone acts like he does. In a way, I’ll be glad he back in school. But it’s also been a good Winter Break for us as a family.

Despite the X-Box factor, we’ve spent a good deal of time together.  My employer shut down for the week after Christmas and LE and I spent it together.

And even if he’s turning into a teenage mutant ninja something, he’s still the best thing in my life. 

Like the other other night when my Ex calls to ask me if I could switch a scheduled overnight stay for the next night.

Normally not a big deal except that I’d made plans around the weekly overnight that LE has with his mom.

The plans involved a guest dropping by.  No,  not an overnight guest, but one that I’d rather keep separate from my life as a single parent.

I called her and she was flexible with rescheduling. So everything worked out. But being flexible has limits.

Flexibility’s Limits

Ever encountered your limit with being flexible? I have and they’re called breaking points. For me, it’s the point when I’ve run out of both patience and the willingness to bend any further.

And it happens more frequently where the Ex is concerned. I’ve bent over backwards (no, not literally) to accommodate her on hundreds of occasions when her work schedule (which is as fluid as water) necessitated the rescheduling of weekend visits, mid-week overnights, and holidays.

To be fair, and in the spirit of full disclosure, she has yet to say no to keeping LE when I’ve had to travel on business.  Still, there are limits to what I believe is an over-the-top effort on my part to accommodate her ever-changing schedule.

Flexibility’s ROI

There should be, in my opinion, some sort of return on investment for my flexibility.  The way I see it, ifyou’re flexible in rearranging your life for the sake of someone else’s issues and time constraints, then you should naturally get some back in return. Makes sense, right?

Unfortunately, I get nothing back other than what I’ve mentioned above.

• I don’t a get a courtesy call telling me that LE is ill and staying home from school.
• She never calls the school to inform them that he’s ill thereby saving him an unexcused absence and the resulting detention.
• I’m not never told that she can’t pick him up from school on her scheduled day until 30 minutes prior to his dismissal time.
• She isn’t capable of  planning anything in advance longer than 24 hours.

Being flexible is one thing. Being taken advantage of is another.

Overrated or Disrespected?

I think being flexible is a positive trait. Further, I think most would agree that flexibility is a desired trait as well. Who wouldn’t want a partner, or Ex partner, who agrees to accommodate our needs?

Is there anyone who disagrees? I don’t think my Ex disagrees at all.   I just think she’s so out of touch with how communication works in the real world that she’s unable to practice being flexible in her own life.

Happy Endings?

What would a happy ending look like? Perhaps my Ex acquires the flexibility she demands from others. But I don’t see that happening.  We’ve been apart for over 7 years and it’s still this way.

It’s kind of like trying to be patient with the world’s most impatient person. No matter how patient you are, they’re never satisfied.

Happy ending here? Nope, don’t think so.

70% of American parents spank their kids on an ‘as needed’ basis. How is it we’ve come to accept that assaulting a child helps them learn?

If you spank your children, I hope you’ll read this post in its entirety and then pause to examine your reasons for hitting your child. Ask yourself if hitting a small child is ever really in their best interest.

First of all let me say that as young father, I spanked three of my four kids. All totaled, I think I spanked each one time. But it was one time (3 total) too many.

And I regret it to this day. I can’t recall ever spanking LE and I’m glad I changed my mind on spanking by the time he came along.

Some Personal History with Spanking

As a child, I was spanked by both parents.  Sometimes as a small child -I guess to add some sort of extra measure of humiliation…as if getting hit by your parents isn’t humiliating enough- I was spanked with my pants pulled down.

I’ve been spanked at home with bare hands, a long tendril from a willow tree (which to a child is like a whip), as well as with a belt.

Why did my parents use corporeal punishment?  Because their parents did. Why did their parents use it? Because their parents did.  And so it goes.

Ask any parent why they spank and they’ll tell you because they learned it from their primary caregivers…kind of a false term when you think about a caregiver hitting a child, eh?

I was spanked (beaten is a more accurate definition) at a public elementary school (this was in Texas in the 1960s) with a wooden spanking device that looked like it was specially made for such use.  It resembled a wooden paddle with holes drilled in the widest portion (so as to decrease wind resistance and therefore impart more force).

In Junior High I was beaten by my PE teacher (again, in Texas) for not answering roll call fast enough. My friends and I use to hold out our hands prior to roll call to see who was trembling the least. Usually we couldn’t decide who won.  We were all equally afraid of being called out and subsequently beaten if we didn’t answer roll call in carefully timed call and response style manner.

I can recall a friend of mine, Paul McClure, being made to bend over and touch his toes while the coach took what looked like a cricket bat and delivered three blows to his backside from a standing position.  Why this assault and battery of a 13 year-old boy? He didn’t steal anything; he didn’t get into a fight. So what was his crime that was so worthy of this punishment?  He’d lost his gym clothes.

Note: We also started the day with the entire school saying the Lord’s Prayer each morning. Another irony involving spirituality and sanctioned violence.

Spanking and the Solo-Dad

Dads who don’t have custody of their kids often are accused of not being consistent in their approach to discipline. Some abandon all forms of discipline assume the posture of a Disneyland Dad.  This isn’t good either.

As a solo-dad (or mom) we may have different takes on discipline. When your views and those of your ex spouse are at odds, especially when spanking is one of them, there is real potential for confusing your child.

What’s OK at Dad’s might not be at Mom’s. A behavior allowed by Mom may get the child a spanking by Dad and vice versa.

Having both parents eliminate spanking as a possibility can go a long way in encourage normal, healthy psychosocial development.

Some Popular Arguments in Support of Spanking

No doubt you’ve heard these before and you may hold some of them as valid.

1. Spanking is authorized in the Bible. …Spare the rod and spoil the child…
2. It’s the only thing that gets a child’s attention.
3. My parents spanked me and I turned out OK.
4. A child needs to know their limits.

My Responses to These Arguments

1. Actually, spanking isn’t biblical.  See the expanded explanation below.
2. Hitting anyone gets their attention.  So does a hug, a firm voice, or consistent body language.
3. That may be, but if you’re basing your acceptance of spanking on your parent’s example, then everything they did bringing you up must have been correct.  Didn’t you ever mutter under your breath, ‘If I ever have kids, I’ll sure do things differently.’  Are you?
4. It’s true that children need to understand their social and physical limits. But by spanking them, you’re teaching them that it’s OK for an adult to hit a child. Is that what you really want to teach?  If so, then why not teach them to cheat, lie, and steal as well? Are you sanctioning violence while disdaining theft? This isn’t lost on children; imagine how confusing it must seem.

Spanking Isn’t Biblical

Proponents of spanking often point to sacred texts in the Bible that give the impression that spanking a child should be considered normal.

Spanking is hitting a child. Hitting is the willful act of committing physical battery against another being. No matter how you qualify it, you can’t get around this basic definition.

WWJD – What would Jesus do? I doubt very seriously if he would’ve ever struck a child. If he didn’t strike back when beaten prior to being crucified, can you really imagine him spanking a child who misbehaved?

As quoted in the excellent article, 10 Reasons Not to Hit Your Child by Bill Sears, MD on AskDrSears.com:

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15)

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Prov. 13:24)

“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (Prov. 23:13-14)

“The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother.” (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. “Rod” (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.).

While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep.  Shepherds didn’t use the rod to beat their sheep – and children are certainly more valuable than sheep.

As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd’s rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. (“Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4).

Facts About Spanking

1. Spanking models violence - It’s the ultimate irony for a child. They hit another child or sibling and their parent smacks them and tells them hitting is wrong.

2. Spanking doesn’t prevent an undesirable behavior. It simple interrupts it. Violence in any form doesn’t accomplish anything positive. To believe that spanking is corrective is to believe that violence solves behavioral problems. Violence never solves problems, it only creates new ones.

3. Spanking is what parents do when they don’t know what else to do. If every parent read a book on positive discipline, they’d see that hitting a child isn’t an effective means of correcting behavior. If that were the case, then children abused by their parents wouldn’t grow to be abusers themselves; any intelligent person who’s read anything on child development of parenting knows this is true.

4. Spanking devalues both the child and the parent. The child feels like a punching bag and learns that it’s OK for children to be hit by adults. The parent feel horrible afterward. (And if you don’t feel bad about spanking your child there is some deep soul searching to be done.) What I find even more abhorrent is the authorization by parents for Grandparents to spank.

Having a grandparent spank a grandchild is a deep violation of family trust and does more damage to the family unit than most who approve of this realize.

5. Spanking and slapping hands teaches your children that it’s OK be be hit. As I stated above, it’s the ultimate irony to be punished for hitting by being hit.

Dr. Phil’s Stance on Spanking

Psychologist Dr. Michele Borba states in an article on iVillage.com, exposes the myth that spanking encourages good, moral development:

“Spanking squelches moral growth. It stops kids from misbehaving because they want to avoid punishment (the lowest level of moral development), not because they want to do what is right.”

The bottom line (pardon that pun) is that spanking is the easy way out.  It’s easy to spank when you’re out of ideas for positively disciplining a child.  But that doesn’t make it right.  It just makes it convenient.

Spanking never solves the problem you’re trying solve or eliminates the behavior you’re trying to get rid of. Think about it.  If I hit you each time you acted a certain way, your first reaction wouldn’t be to avoid the behavior; it would be to avoid me.

Spanking slowly creates a wedge between the child and the parent that parents, for the most part, are oblivious to.  It’s as real as for the child as the iceberg that sunk the Titanic but it remains invisible to the parent because they believe they are doing what’s in the best interest of the child.

Spanking Results In Fear

Over about ten years,  a family member of mine disciplined his kids so often and so severely that to this day, as adults they still fear him. And why wouldn’t they?

Instead of investing some time and personal growth of his own investigating and learning how to effectively discipline his kids, he simply repeated what his own parents did to him.

When it comes to parenting, history repeats itself unless a concerted effort is made to make different choices.  Unless a parent educates him or herself in positive discipline, he/she is bound to repeat the transgression of their own parents.

As a Solo-Dad (or Mom), ask yourself this question: “Do I really want to teach my child that it’s OK for parents to hit their children?

Solo-Dad’s Parenting Class Experience

When I gained custody of LE, I was ordered by the court to attend Parenting Without Violence – a class for parents on both ends of the domestic violence spectrum – both perpetrators and victims were in this class.

Two very clear experiences come to mind.  One involved a discussion about spanking.  There was a guy who actually said in defense of spanking…’My mother used to spank us with extension cords and we all turned out OK.’

That he excused the behavior of his mother by stating he turned out OK was the first sign something wasn’t right.  Then he stated quite proudly that instead of spanking his daughters, he made them write sentences.  Yeah, he actually used a life-skill critical to their development as literate human beings as a punishment.   I’ll bet he still thinks he turned out OK.

The second experience from this parenting class was a realization I had about being spanked as a child. I realized that when my parents spanked me, the only lesson that I learned was that my parents could get angry enough to hit me.

That’s the lesson I took away from all the years my parents spanked me.  Could it be your children will remember you in a similar light?  You have the opportunity to change that today.

Resources for Change

Articles to consider:

• http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/33612.php
• http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/256
• http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/48
• http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/parenting/archives/2009/06/10-reasons-to-not-spank-your-c.html
• http://life.familyeducation.com/spanking/discipline/36133.html?detoured=1

Other resources:

• Further Reading / Books on Positive Discipline from Amazon
• Center for Non-Violent Communication – Resources for Parents

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Stay tuned for the next post in the 31DBBSD series when I tackle the topic of What’s OK and What’s Not in Talking About Your Ex. Make sure you’re subscribed to this series (and all Solo-Dad updates) by subscribing to our RSS feed or via email.

Can you become a more effective and happier Solo-Dad in about a month?

I think you can!

Ever since I read and participated in Darren Rowse’s 31 Days To Building a Better Blog series on ProBlogger.net (now a downloadable workbook available for only $19.95), I’ve thought about this concept of improving areas of one’s life in a month.

Naturally, here on Solo-Dad, my mind turns to helping other solo-dads become better at being the dad they want to be for their kids.

Borrowing the concept from Darren’s playbook, I’m embarking on this new series….

31 Days To Becoming a Better Solo-Dad!

In this series of posts, I’m going to write 31 posts, each about a different aspect of being a solo-dad. Each post will focused on one topic with a bit of teaching about the topic and at least one practical tip for application.

The purpose behind writing the series does not include the expectation that you can become a Super Solo-Dad in 31 days.  Rather, it’s to provide you with a resource to use when topics covered in the series apply to your family.

Here’s a partial list of topic that will be covered in the 31 Days to Become a Better Solo-Dad series that begins July 31st:

• Pay your child support on time (yes, it’s a good thing).
• Make time with your child a priority.
• Avoid the Disneyland Dad Syndrome.
• Don’t talk smack about your Ex in front of your child.
• Reconsider your views on spanking (Why you shouldn’t).
• Plan your menus in advance.
• Keep your dates away from the kids.
• Exercise with your kids.
• And many more.

How can you participate? Just check your RSS reader each day beginning July 31.

Not a subscriber? Subscribe now to the series using the following links:

If you’ve never heard that announcement with your own name inserted in the appropriate place, I can’t possibly describe the sudden sense of deep-freeze-cold that envelops your gastrointestinal tract.

I’ve heard it more than once in my life and it was with the same GI Freeze that I approached the Junior High’s administration offices to discuss my son’s absences late last week.

As I convey in my post about my frustration with LE’s other parent, I made the appointment with the Principal to discuss is absences.

Following Dr. Leah’s advice, I started with my strongest point and let the Principal respond.  I felt my strongest lead was, in fact, LE’s poor attendance.  Without playing the blame game, I demonstrated that his unexcused absences fell either on a Thursday (following his weekly Wednesday sleepover at her house) or on days when I was out of time.

After hearing my opening, he mentioned that after my email last week he’d reviewed the attendance record and came to the conclusion that had I not written him, he’s assumed it was a case of uninvolved parenting.

He’s Half Correct.

One parent is uninvolved in his education.  It’s unfortunate because she is, for the most part, a product of uninvolved parenting. Her dad left early in her life and wasn’t involved in her life very much.  Her mother spent her time serial dating and gambling.

LE’s mother didn’t go to college but did graduate from a post secondary program for working in the medical field so does know the value of education.

And just because I earned both a Bachelor’s and a Doctoral degree doesn’t make me a more involved parent; neither of my parents graduated from college and they were very involved in my education…sometimes more than I wished for. 

Still, the fact remains, she’s not making the effort required to get him to school most days after he’s spent the night.

Going Forward

One positive outcome the Principal offered was checking each Thursday on LE’s attendance. Should he be absent, he’ll place telephone her and state that LE needs to be in school.  He even mentioned the possibility of sending the Sheriff’s Office to her house to enforce school attendance policy.

I wasn’t sure about it and he said he’s done it before.  It may come to that as law enforcement is one public agency has respect for.

I feel progress was made on the issue from the perspective that the school and I now better partners in LE’s education. As I informed the Principal, I’ve developed good relationships with all LE’s teacher via email.  I’ve been impressed with their willingness to go out of their 8-3 day to help him succeed.

The assignment was simple enough in theory.

“Create a human neuron out of household items.”

It’s enough to make a parent scratch his head in response to the quizzical looks from his 7th grader.

Neurons, yay! Cells, boo.

I do have to admit it wasn’t as bad as making the three dimensional cell out of food items that we tackled a few years ago.

That was pure hell…and the rotting 3/4’s of a cantaloupe that came home on the bus wasn’t  too popular either.

Why didn’t it just get dumped in the trash? I asked the same question and in return only received that look that silently communicates…‘Oh, yeah…I didn’t think of that.’

It’s assignments like this that get me a little bothered beforehand, but calmly gratified afterward. A little bothered because although the educational benefit of such a project is positive, the stress it induces on both the student and the parent isn’t. Calmly gratified because the resulting look of pride in LE’s eyes and the sight of him walking on to the school grounds holding something he’s proud of is always worth the effort.

Neuronal Elements at a Store Near You

• 1 foam rubber ball – cut in half –> cell bodies
• 4 Twizzlers – red licorice ropes –> axons
• 1/4″ nails partially driven into ball halves –> dendrites
• 1 thumb tack in each foam ball half –> cell nucleus

All of this formed a three-dimensional neuron project. That was a month ago and still nothing has come of it.  Even my online grade checks have proven fruitless.

One thing I’m sure of – At least it won’t be rotting in a forgotten corner. However chances are excellent that the axons have disappeared already. 

My daughter Bethany informed me a few days ago that she’s pregnant. I saw her and David yesterday when they were kind enough to cook dinner for me here in the beach bungalow. She’s already got the glow.

She looks so much like her mother that it brings back memories of when I was married (the first time) and anticipating the birth of my first child….Bethany Sara.  They were happy times full of joy.  I wish the same for Bethany and David.

We had a great time talking, a nice walk on the beach out to the end of the pier and back followed by some wonderful soup and French bread.

Litle Elvis wasn’t here, but he’s thrilled at the propsect of being Uncle Elvis. 

For those parents facing a form of malignancy that has the potential to prematurely end your life, my heart goes out to you.  My story fades in comparison to what you must deal with each day.

Still, I had not only Little Elvis to tell, but my three adult kids as well.

It all began a few months back when my dermatologist removed a little growth that resembled a wart from just under my right eye about where my glasses frame ends. The pathology report showed it was actinic keratosis, a pre-cancerous, non-malignant cluster of cells.  It’s definitely something to watch but not a cause for concern.

I went back for a recheck after two months and I pointed out four spots on my face that I was concerned about.  Small discolored areas all.  Long story short, he zapped two with liquid nitrogen and biopsied a third (the fourth was apparently nothing).

The biopsy was positive for basal cell carcinoma (BSC),  a relatively slow growing form of skin cancer caused by over exposure to the sun.  All those years of running around without a shirt or sunscreen as a kid finally had caught up with me.

Telling the kids

I knew I had to tell them because I’ve have to be treated.  The recommended treatment for BSC is surgical resection.  I’ve have to undergo an outpatient surgery and have a big awkward bandage and most likely a new scar on my face.

It’s not like I could keep this information from them.

Little Elvis

My reason for getting up each day; the nearest star in my local universe. The boy who has already borne his share of heartache.  How would I tell him without causing him more pain? The last thing I ever want to do is cause him to suffer.

During that first week after hearing the diagnosis and the treatment option, each time that I looked into his eyes or kissed his cheek as I do each morning to wake him up, my eyes brimmed with tears at the thought.

I was suddenly confronted not only with the idea that my body was playing host to malignant cells, but the greater reality that one day I’ll leave him alone; that he will be without me and on his own.

This makes me cry even now; the prospect of leaving him before I’ve prepared him fully for adulthood is my worst fear.

• Where will he live?
• Will his mother ever get it together to provide a better life for him?
• Will he take what I’ve taught him thus far into an adulthood of responsible, respectful behavior?

After too many sleepless nights, I ended up telling him before the other kids.  I told him that I’d received the results of the biopsy (which he’d witnessed firsthand and thought the whole thing was ultra-cool) and that I had a very small and limited case of skin cancer.

“If you had to have cancer, this is the kind to have,” I said trying to put a positive spin on it.

His eyes welled up with tears and he hugged me tightly.  We both cried: him at the thought of it all and the uncertainty of what it meant for both of us, and me for the tenderness of his reaction.

He looked up at me and said, “..two things I don’t like: cancer and surgery.”

With the initial moment over, we had a more rational and less emotional discussion about BSC and it’s tendency not to spread to other body parts. We talked of the treatment and when I would have it.

The next few days were sensitive times and when the rest of the kids came over the next weekend, I told them with less emotion and less emotional reaction.  They were supportive and loving as I’d expect them each to be.

The good news

I had the procedure a few days ago and the results are good.  I chose to a Mohs procedure over the typical blind resection which allows the surgeon to know with 99% certainty that excised margins are clear of BSC cells.

As predicted, my resulting scar is slightly chevron shaped and about 2.6 cm long and vertically oriented in the middle of the right cheek. Currently it thas 12 sutures in it and I’m pleased with the result. If nothing else, it’ll serve as a conversation piece in bars.  (Note to self: check DadsHouseBlog for pointers)

Telling your children about illness is never pleasant.  In my case, it has served to reinforce a bond of love and connection that I didn’t think could be any stronger. LE and I are so very close that it surprised even me.

I can tell he is adjusting to it because last night he told me that my scar made possible a new persona -I could the new Harry Potter “Barry Morris – The Man Who Lived.”

I smiled and knew he was making the necessary efforts to place positive associations with what could have been more negativity.

This too made me cry. Perhaps he is maturing and on his way to being prepared for independence after all.

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents’ shortcomings.  Laurence J. Peter (1919 – 1988)

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson (1911 – 1980)

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.  Woody Allen (1935 –        )

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.  Dick Cavett (1936 –       )

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.  Ogden Nash (1902 – 1971)

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.  Cathy Ladman

We are the people our parents warned us about.  Jimmy Buffett

My personal fav:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield (1921 – 2004)