When it comes to picking domestic partners, my track record isn’t spectacular. 

Ex #1

My first wife was, and remains, a lovely woman.  That we grew in opposite directions was, perhaps, the fault of no one.

Though I carried a lot of guilt around with me for nearly two decades over the manner in which we split, that fact that we became different people was just something that happened and it was, because of conflicting positions on certain issues, both inevitable and unavoidable.

Ex#2

My second choice for a mate resulted in 15 years of degenerating contentment. That putting it in the best possible light.

However, with silver linings in mind, I became a stronger, more resilient person as a result of that tumultuous relationship.

Jeremy, my step son and LE are the two remaining silver linings in that relationship. Along with the two children from my first marriage, they are the jewels in my crown.

Solo-Dog

As the search for the right dog continues, I’m beginning to think that my search parameters for our canine companion aren’t that different from the ongoing, albeit inactive for the most part, search for the perfect woman.

You be the judge.

I’m hoping Solo-Dog will:

• Be 1-3 years old (OK, this one doesn’t count.  Not even when converting to human years.)
• Love LE
• Love me
• Be loyal
• Want to play
• Look forward to walks on the beach with me
• Be content with our life together
• Like the simple things, like kibble  (Hey, who likes to eat out all the time? )

When I think about it, that’s what I want from a woman as well. (OK, I didn’t mention a libido to die for… for obvious reasons, but that’s in the mix as well…um, but not for the dog.)  Yes, I’m a man and therefore at least one-quarter sexist-pig.

But in reality, I’m a very sensual person. (My adult kids – click away right now to prevent gross-out.) Sex/sensuality isn’t just a minor part in my relationships, I tend to show my affection physically in all my relationships.

I still hug my sons tightly and kiss them on the side of their head. I do the same with my daughter.  And when my granddaughter is born later this month, I’ll be the GrandDad Hug Machine for her entire life.

So in some ways, Solo-Dog is the prototype life companion I’ve been seeking all my life.

But I recognize there are some problems with this dual application canine / human-companion criteria:

1. Hairy backs. Not a fan.
2. Perfection. No dog or woman is perfect.  Heck, I’m not even perfect.   I may be searching for the ‘perfect dog,’ and therefore, the perfect woman. Not realistic.
3. Loyalty. Most dogs bond with their humans for life. In my experience, most humans do not. Yes, I know dogs don’t comprehend the subtleties of human interactions, the head games we play, etc. But still, is loyalty too much to ask for in a life partner?

The Perfect Dog or the Perfect Woman

Actually, I don’t think either exist. But I’m generally having fun looking for both.

I have some wonderful women acquaintances. I’ve dated some very lovely women.  The two women I work most closely with at my job are more than coworkers; they’re friends.

But honestly speaking, I think the best choice for me at this point in my life, is to stick with Solo-Dog, where ever he or she may be, and leave the larger, more complex pursuit for the life companion to the future; at a time when I can offer a woman more Barry and less Solo-Dad.

But until then, I’ll keep searching. 

Can 6 Words Sum Up Your Life?

For my birthday a few days ago, I received a copy of the neat little volume, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure.

It’s a collection of 1,000 six-word memoirs from writers attempting to summarize their life experience in six words.

The introduction thinly lays claim to Hemingway being the first to write a six-word story. It’s said Hem responded to the challenge with, “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

Regardless of whether Hemingway initiated the fun, it’s actually quite a challenge to come up with six words that summarize your life. Most Solo-Dads I know have quite a few six-word memoirs in them!

Yesterday, Little Elvis and I were sitting outside at our local Starbucks, taking turns reading the memoirs aloud.  Some are hilarious while some are poignant, even sad.

Here are some examples of what got LE cracking up:

“Bad brakes discovered at high speed.”  -Paul Schultz

“Living for Jesus because Earth sucks.”  -Johnny Johnson

“Seventy years, few tears, hairy ears.”  -Bill Querrenguesser

A few of my favorites included:

“After Harvard, had baby with crackhead.”  -Robin Templeton

“Happiest when ignoring huge financial debt.”  -Ayanna Bryan

“Lived in moment, until moment sucked.” -Janine Goss

“Verbal hemophilia. Why can’t I clot?”  -Scott Mebus

There are many others…993 to be exact, that you’ll have to buy to the book to enjoy.

Solo-Dad’s Six-Word Memoirs

I’ve come up with a few six-word memoirs I could readily apply to my life, thus far.

Here are some:

“Four kids. Starbucks Coffee. Life’s good!”

“Too many degrees, not enough savings.”

“Wised up and left the tribe.”

“Waded into marriage, ran back ashore.”

What About You?

Want to take the Six-Word-Memoir challenge and sum up your life as a Solo-Dad (or Mom)?  Got more than one?  Give it some thought and share them below in a comment!