When I travel for business (a few days per month), Little Elvis stays with his mother who lives a few miles away.
While this is the preferred choice for him, it’s not exactly the best solution for me.
More often than not, he misses school when I’m away.
Missing junior high is a big deal. The work required each day only increases as the year progresses.
Missing 2-3 days not only creates a mountain of backlog for LE, but a volcano of frustration for me.
This isn’t the first time this has occurred. Since I have the ability to check his attendance and grades online, I usually do so when I travel. Because of his mother’s spotty record of consistency in such matters, I’m forced to.
The Career Solo-Parenting Balance
My experience is similar to what many solo-parents go through in their attempt to balance their professional life with their duties as a single parent.
Balancing career and single-parenting can be a frustrating experience. It can often be an area for potential discrimination. Even when it’s not discrimination in the legal sense, it can sure feel like it is.
The 6 a.m. Safety Meeting
I had a mini-confrontation with my boss not too long ago over this every issue.
I work in the construction industry as a Proposal Manager. My work requires me to learn and understand various aspects of heavy civil construction (design and construction of bridges, freeways, dams, etc.) even though I’m not a civil engineer. In performing my job, like many of you, I must adhere to certain rules that govern the company’s employees.
One of the requirements of my job is to attend 3 safety meetings per quarter. These are usually held at project sites around in my local area as well throughout the western US when I travel.
Three meetings a quarter – once per month. Easy, right? Except for one thing: Safety meetings are held at 6 a.m.
My boss asked me why I was not attending these meetings. I told him that because they’re always held at 6 a.m. I won’t leave my son that early in the morning.
He responded by asking me: “Are you making your personal problem a company problem?”
When I heard this I felt my blood begin to simmer. Then I realized something: Given his life experience, he can’t comprehend the issues that most single parents have to deal with each day. To him, It’s a no-brainer.
To me, it’s as frustrating as LE not attending school because he’s too young to drive himself and his mother can’t get him there for the reason-du-jour. (Hmm, when did this post morph into a rant?)
I answered his question: No, I wasn’t making this a company problem. If anything, he was making it a personal problem.
That didn’t go over too well as you can imagine. Whatever.
Is the Career-Solo Parent Balance a Myth?
I ask myself the following questions from time to time when issues like this arise:
- Is my present position working with my solo-dad status?
- Is there a change I need to make in this regard? If so, what it is?
- What’s working and what isn’t in my job/parenting balance?
As my journey as a Solo-Dad enters its 6th year, I’m also wondering if the Career-Solo-Parent Balance even exists? The entire concept of balance seems illusive; similar to the concept of enlightenment. Could it be just a state of mind and not an actual process with an end point?
Whatever. All I know is that I have more travel coming up and too little time to think about wasting it at a 6 a.m. safety meeting.
What about you?
Do you have a grasp on the concept of the Career Solo-Parent Balance that I’m missing? Is it a question of finding work that fulfills me as a friend put it recently? Is there a way to balance the needs of solo-parenting and the demands of a professional position?
I’m all ears. :8
